Dismissive avoidant attachment is a common behavioral pattern that manifests in relationships. It can lead to feelings of discomfort, suffocation, or anxiety related to emotional closeness with others. The Twelve Nidanas of dependent origination can help us understand the root causes of this attachment style and how to change it in order to attain greater well-being, stability, and satisfaction in relationships.

The Twelve Nidanas is a Buddhist concept that suggests that all forms of suffering emerge from a complex web of causal factors, including mental, physical, and environmental factors. In the context of dismissive avoidant attachment style, we can explore how the Twelve Nidanas contribute to the perpetuation of negative relationship patterns.

The cycle begins with ignorance (avijja) which leads to the formation of negative mental habits and tendencies (sankhara). These habits and tendencies then influence consciousness (viññana) making the person with dismissive avoidant attachment prone to dismissing emotional intimacy in relationships. The body and mind (nama-rupa) then manifest in ways that reinforce this attachment pattern, leading to detachment and emotional distance from others.

As the person interacts with the world through their sense organs (salayatana), they may experience contact from others attempting to initiate emotional intimacy, leading to an unpleasant feeling (vedana) associated with being trapped or smothered. They subsequently develop a preference for independence and distance from others (tanha), becoming more self-sufficient and self-reliant (upadana), which reinforces future avoidance patterns (bhava). This cycle perpetuates a dismissive or avoidant attachment style that can manifest as rejecting or breaking off relationships (jati).

If left unaddressed, avoidant attachment can lead to social, mental, and emotional suffering (jara-marana) perpetuating negative consequences in future relationships. However, it is possible to break the cycle at any point in the Twelve Nidanas.

Addressing ignorance (avijja) through education about attachment theory and understanding why avoidant attachment perpetuates suffering can bring greater insight into behavior. Practicing mindfulness and developing good mental habits (sankhara) can weaken the habit of dismissing emotional intimacy, allowing for more positive tendencies to influence consciousness (viññana). Mindful attention to nama-rupa can help people recognize negative patterns before they manifest in behavior. People can become more aware of social cues and respond more skillfully to relationship dynamics through increased skill with salayatana.

Recognizing the negative feelings (vedana) associated with emotional closeness and negativity (tanha) that arises can soften a persons negative response to emotional intimacy. Developing more realistic and beneficial attitudes and values can replace negative cravings with a more balanced perspective. Recognizing their attachment to avoidance (upadana) can cause individuals to adopt more nurturing and supportive practices in future relationships (bhava), helping to break the cycle of avoidant behavior. As the attachment style transforms, people become open to forming deep and supportive relationships, breaking their cycle of avoidant behavior (jati). They will be more available to forming lasting attachments and creating positive experiences in relationships, resulting in greater emotional stability and well-being.