Dismissive Avoidant Attachment | Dependent Origination

Healing Attachment Styles through the Twelve Nidanas of Dependent Origination

Lets use the example of a person with Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style to illustrate the Twelve Nidanas of dependent origination.
1. Ignorance (avijja): The person lacks understanding of the true nature of interpersonal relationships and the causes of their suffering in this context.
2. Mental formations (sankhara): Due to ignorance, the person has formed the habitual pattern of dismissing or avoiding emotional intimacy.
3. Consciousness (viññana): The persons consciousness is conditioned by these mental formations, making them prone to dismissing intimacy in relationships.
4. Name and form (nama-rupa): The persons body and mind (psychophysical constituents) manifest in a way that is vulnerable to avoidant attachment.
5. The six sense bases (salayatana): The persons sense organs (sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch, and mind) interact with the external world.
6. Contact (phassa): The person experiences contact from people attempting to initiate emotional intimacy or connection.
7. Feeling (vedana): The person experiences an unpleasant feeling that they associate with the feeling of being emotionally trapped or smothered; they dismiss or avoid the person as a result.
8. Craving (tanha): The person develops a preference for independence and distance from others, and they crave the feeling of being able to maintain distance and autonomy.
9. Clinging (upadana): The persons attachment to their independence and avoidance patterns intensifies as their behavior is reinforced by internal states like pride in their independence.
10. Becoming (bhava): This clinging to avoidant patterns reinforces the persons habitual patterns and karmic tendencies, perpetuating avoidant behavior in future relationships.
11. Birth (jati): The persons dismissive or avoidant attachment manifests in the form of rejecting or breaking off relationships, reinforcing the cycle of avoidance and reinforcing the internal states associated with it.
12. Old age and death (jara-marana): If left unaddressed, avoidance can lead to social, mental, and emotional suffering and perpetuate negative consequences in future relationships or even future lives.
Through understanding of these Twelve Nidanas, a person with dismissive avoidant attachment can recognize how their attachment style perpetuates their suffering and seek ways to change this pattern. Achieving a more secure attachment style leads to a stronger sense of well-being, stability, and satisfaction in relationships.

How to break cycle at each point:

Certainly, breaking the cycle of dependent origination can be achieved at any of the twelve links. Here are some examples of how to break the cycle in the context of dismissive avoidant attachment:

1. Ignorance (avijja): By educating themselves about attachment theory and understanding the reasons for their sufferings, the person can address their ignorance about relationships, leading to greater insight into their behavior.

2. Mental formations (sankhara): By practicing mindfulness and developing new and positive mental habits, the person can weaken the habitual pattern of dismissing or avoiding intimacy in relationships, replacing negative mental formations with supportive and loving ones.

3. Consciousness (viññana): By bringing awareness to their habitual thought patterns and conditioning, the person can develop insight into how their attachment style influences their consciousness, leading to a more positive and supportive relationship with their emotional and mental states.

4. Name and form (nama-rupa): Mindful attention to the body and the mind can help break the cycle by becoming more attuned to their inner states and being able to recognize negative patterns before they manifest in behavior.

5. The six sense bases (salayatana): By becoming more skillful in interpreting social cues and responding to relationship dynamics, people can reduce the likelihood of dismissive avoidance patterns manifesting or reinforce more supportive relationship habits.

6. Contact (phassa): The person can evaluate how they respond to social contact and learn more skillful ways of engaging with others gently and compassionately.

7. Feeling (vedana): By recognizing the negative feelings or associated with emotional closeness, people can soften their negative responses and eventually become more comfortable with emotional intimacy.

8. Craving (tanha): By developing more realistic and beneficial attitudes and values, the person can replace their craving for independence with a more balanced perspective, recognizing the need for connection and closeness in healthy relationships.

9. Clinging (upadana): By recognizing and examining their attachment to avoidance, people can slowly drop their negative attachment patterns and adopt more nurturing and supportive practices in future relationships.

10. Becoming (bhava): By cultivating more positive habits, people can avoid being drawn into negative relationship patterns in the future, leading to an overall more positive sense of self and better interactions.

11. Birth (jati): As the attachment style transforms, the person will be more open and available to forming deep and supportive relationships, breaking their cycle of avoidant behavior.

12. Old age and death (jara-marana): As people become more adept in developing loving relationships, they can break the cycle of avoidant attachment and creating more positive experiences in relationships leading to greater emotional well-being and fulfillment.

Conclusion

Dismissive avoidant attachment style can lead to feelings of discomfort, suffocation, or anxiety related to emotional closeness with others. The Twelve Nidanas of dependent origination can help us understand the root causes of this attachment style and how recognizing it can lead to greater well-being, stability, and satisfaction in relationships. Recognizing the root causes of suffering associated with avoidant attachment and adopting new, more supportive practices is key to breaking the cycle of avoidant behavior and achieving greater emotional well-being and satisfaction in relationships.

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