This article explores the topic of unrealistic expectations in the context of dependent origination, a central concept in Buddhist teachings. Dependent origination describes the interdependent nature of reality and the cycle of cause and effect that perpetuates suffering. The Twelve Nidanas, or links in this cycle, provide a framework for exploring the ways in which unrealistic expectations arise and continue to fuel this cycle.

The first link in the cycle is Ignorance (avijja), which refers to a lack of understanding of the true nature of reality. In the case of unrealistic expectations, this ignorance manifests in a misunderstanding of how things should be or a lack of awareness of the interconnected nature of all things.

Mental Formations (sankhara) are the second link in the cycle, driven by karmic tendencies and arising from ignorance. These mental habits and patterns of thinking can be wholesome or unwholesome, and in the case of unrealistic expectations, they lead to thoughts and beliefs that do not align with reality.

Consciousness (viññana) is the third link in the cycle, arising in dependence upon mental formations and influencing perception of the world around us. Perception is conditioned by consciousness, and in the case of unrealistic expectations, it can lead to biased or inaccurate interpretations of reality.

Name and Form (nama-rupa) are the fourth link in the cycle, referring to the constituents that make up an individual. In the case of unrealistic expectations, they manifest in the mind and body, leading to negative emotions and physical tension or discomfort.

The next link in the cycle is the Six Sense Bases (salayatana), referring to the sense organs through which we come into contact with the world. Contact (phassa), the sixth link, is the meeting of sense organs with their respective objects, resulting in sensory experience.

Feeling (vedana) is the seventh link in the cycle, referring to the sensations or experiences that arise from contact with sense objects. In the case of unrealistic expectations, feelings may be unpleasant or disappointing when they do not align with what was expected.

Craving (tanha) is the eighth link, arising in response to pleasant or unpleasant feelings. In the case of unrealistic expectations, craving may lead to a desire to change or control the situation to align with what was expected.

Clinging (upadana) is the ninth link in the cycle, referring to the intensified attachment or clinging to objects of craving, leading to further entanglement in the cycle of suffering.

Becoming (bhava) is the tenth link, referring to the process of becoming, driven by clinging and craving. In the case of unrealistic expectations, becoming perpetuates the cycle, leading to further suffering.

Birth (jati) is the eleventh link in the cycle, referring to the actual birth or coming into existence of a new being or experience, driven by the karmic tendencies of becoming.

Lastly, Old Age and Death (jara-marana) refer to the aging and eventual death of the being or experience, leading to further rebirth and continued suffering.

Breaking the cycle at each point involves developing mindfulness, ethical conduct, and insight. At the first link of Ignorance, developing wisdom and insight into the nature of reality is essential. At the second link of Mental Formations, cultivating wholesome mental habits and letting go of unwholesome patterns through meditation and virtuous actions is key. The third link of Consciousness can be transformed through the practice of meditation to develop clear and tranquil states of mind. At the fourth link of Name and Form, developing mindfulness of the body and mind and recognizing them as impermanent and interdependent phenomena can reduce attachment and suffering.

At the fifth link of the Six Sense Bases, practicing restraint of the senses, making skillful choices in response to sensory experience, and developing mindfulness of sensory input can reduce the likelihood of craving and attachment. At the sixth link of Contact, recognizing the impermanence and impersonal nature of sensory experience can further reduce the likelihood of craving and attachment.

At the seventh link of Feeling, developing mindfulness of pleasant and unpleasant feelings and recognizing their impersonal nature can reduce the likelihood of craving and attachment. At the eighth link of Craving, recognizing the suffering that arises from uncontrolled or excessive craving and practicing mindfulness can help loosen the grip of craving.

At the ninth link of Clinging, developing mindfulness of attachment and the suffering it causes can begin to reduce the likelihood of further entanglement in the cycle of suffering. The tenth link of Becoming can be transformed through the cultivation of wholesome intentions and actions, letting go of the desire to solidify or perpetuate this world of becoming. The eleventh link of Birth can be transformed through ethical conduct, cultivating wisdom and insight, and letting go of attachment and craving. Lastly, Old Age and Death can be transformed through the recognition of the impermanence of all things, developing acceptance of the natural process of aging and death, and cultivating the mental factors that lead to liberation.